ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce said his war with the spicy cough was made much easier after his team of staffers slid a tray of nice brownies under the door.

Speaking to this masthead today on the phone, Mr Joyce said he was feeling for Scott Morrison today as he enters the third and worst day of his illness.

“It’s no joke, this COVID,” Barnaby told our reporter.

“If I didn’t have those jabs, I reckon it would’ve just about done me in. My staffers, god bless them, are a bit hoity-toity. You know the type. Anyway, they reckoned I was carrying on so much that they went and got me a bunch of food and sweets to shut me up. And shut me up they did,”

“Mate, deadset. I watched the Apocalypse Now Redux like ten times. I didn’t even look at my phone or anything, I was just glued to the screen. I listened to some music, too. I got in the bath after I must’ve polished half the tray and listened to Mr Tambourine Man by Bob Dylan over and over again,”

“I know Scott only likes that Hillsong music. The ‘wave your hands, shake your arse’ type Christian music, not the nice hymns we have in the Catholic Church. But, uh, yeah he would probably benefit from those brownies, they really put me on my arse for a few days. I felt much better when I came out the other side. My staffers said I was much more chilled out for the rest of the trip,”

“I’m just a bloke from Danglemah, I’m no culture vulture but those brownies, mate. You could’ve told me Slim Dusty was in the next room punching holes through Malcolm and I would’ve believed you.”

The Advocate reached out to Mr Joyce’s Office who asked us to please stop calling Barnaby’s personal mobile phone and to always go through them in the future.

More to come.


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