SAYING WHAT WE’RE ALL THINKIN! With the mounting death toll of Russian soldiers in the face of an unexpectedly fierce civillian resistance, Putin’s invasion of Ukraine is starting to look like a textbook example of ‘biting off more than you can chew’.

On Monday, their currency slumped a further 30%, causing even more civil unrest with Russian pensioners now joining the youth in protest against this invasion of a neighbouring country that none of them could give a fuck about.

With uninspired teenage Russian soldiers getting molotov cocktailed by Ukrainian grannies in the streets of Kiev, and economists now fearing a full-scale banking collapse – both Putin’s closest comrades, his people, and the rest of the world are all asking the same question:

‘What the fuck is going on with this old man?’

While British Parliament debates the role that Russia’s billionaire oligarchs are playing in this war, Australia’s politicians are desperately trying to establish a link between Putin and China. Meanwhile, US President Joe Biden is openly confusing the Ukraine with Iran.

However, anonymous sources within the Kremlin say it’s much less complicated than all of that.

“[Putin] has been watching too much Sky News” said a whistleblower.

“Every time anyone walks into his office he’s got Chris Kenny or Andrew Bolt on the TV screen telling him that the youth of today are too caught up on changing their genders and being woke. He thinks that we need a world war to give the kids a reality check”

At 69-years of age, Vladimir Putin is the target demographic for the conspiratorial brain-washing of Murdoch’s TV news network, known for turning perfectly civilised old white men into deranged political mouthpieces with an unjustified victim complex.

It is believed Putin’s advisors are now working tirelessly to de-radicalise their leader, but are having no success in convincing him to turn off the dangerous propaganda.

At time of press, the Russian President was again relaying culture-wars talking points that had been mainlined into his brain by NewsCorp’s blueblood shock jocks.

“Peta Credlin is right” said Putin.

“Melbourne’s Sudanese community are causing all the coronavirus outbreaks”


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