19 November, 2015. 09:15
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
BURNS SPECIALISTS HAVE arrived in Sydney this morning after a 27-year-old Northern Irish national fell asleep on Bondi Beach yesterday afternoon. The tragedy comes as the man is said to have ignored warnings from fellow beachgoers.
They became alarmed when the Toomebridge native removed his shirt, revealing his sickly Antrim pallor.
Martin Sloan Felter was found around 5pm EDST and was rushed to nearby Royal Prince of Wales (RPW) Hospital at Randwick, in Sydney’s eastern suburbs. Members of the man’s family, including a brother and two cousins, are travelling from nearby Bondi Junction to be at his bedside.
Doctors have listed the man as being in a serious but stable condition, with burns to over 60% of his body.
“If he’s a fighter, he’ll get through this,” said RPW triage specialist Dr Michelle Rockford. “We see thousands of cases like this each year, but unfortunately, this man is especially Irish and his blood alcohol content has definitely been a factor in his horrific injuries.”
Dr Rockford’s sentiments were echoed by his elder brother Donovan, who said Martin was “just a happy go lucky lad that’s done himself a mischief abroad”.
“If the boy needs some skin, he can have some of my bum skin,” said Donovan Felter. “I’ve let the doctors know that I’m ready to donate. I want them to graft my bum skin onto his face for a laugh.”
Each year, upwards of 20 000 British passport holders are sadistically sunburnt by the Australian summer.
This month’s immigration minister Peter Dutton said that the Australian Border Force will now be issuing a wide-brimmed hat and SPF 50+ suncream to UK and Irish tourists from December.
“It’s bad enough all these legal arrivals are chocking our healthcare system, simply by drinking too much and passing out in the sun,” said Dutton. “This is the hardest fucking job in the country. Seriously. If you’re not being fucked over by the Irish, its another.”