McDonald’s manager gives up on ever reproducing and buys pot of hair gel

"I'm not sad or depressed, I'm just a realist," said one manager.

McDonald’s manager gives up on ever reproducing and buys pot of hair gel

15 August, 2016. 12:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THERE’S A POINT IN EVERY man’s life when he comes to a fork in the road – should you just buy a pot of hair gel and surrender yourself to a life of Carlton Draught and $10 steaks? Or should you have one last crack at it?

For a 37-year-old McDonald’s manager, the choice was easy.

Peter Constantine pulled into the carpark beside Woolworths in Canberra’s Dickson district last night and paused for a moment before he got out of the car.

“I thought to myself, ‘Is this the day I finally do it? Is this the day I buy my first pot of strong-hold hair gel?'” he said.

“It was a tough¬†decision, but in the end, I just had to sack up and buy it. Life for me isn’t really getting any better. Fuck, last Monday night after I knocked off, I drunk drove over to Fyshwick and sat in a strip joint in my work gear until the sun came up,”

“They threw me out for throwing coins at the girls. I’m fucking sorry, but it was a Monday night! What did they expect? It wasn’t a bad night, I split a bag with the Italian ambassador. But it made me realise that I was fast approaching that point in every man’s life when he has to choose between having children or spiking your hair up,” he said.

Mr Constantine isn’t alone in his dilemma, with thousands of other McDonald’s restaurant managers around the country facing the same problem.

The controversial hairstyle has even been dubbed the ‘McDonald’s Manager’ by style guides and men’s magazines for years now, but that hasn’t stopped the rate at which grown men are effectively giving up on their lives.

More to come.  

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