27 May, 2016. 17:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE kindness of others once again, 23-year-old student Alex Duckworth announced today that his friend Sam will be receiving his third free tampon sample of the month.
After confessing the crime to other close friends, the finance student could barely contain his laughter, saying only that he wishes he could see the look on Sam’s face when he gets another box of Libras.
“His mum probably thinks he’s gay or something [laughs],” he said.
“Fuck I punk him on the reg, he never has any comebacks. He just cops it like a little bitch,”
“I’ve got him like seven times this month. What a fuckin’ idiot.” he said.
However, Sam has released a statement to the media this afternoon, stating that he remains unphased by Alex and his stupid games.
He’s also, unsurprisingly, a 23-year-old finance student who still lives at home in Brisbane’s inner-eastern suburbs.
At around 4pm this afternoon, he addressed the growing media scrum forming on his father’s front lawn in Bulimba.
“I know it’s Alex who’s been ordering the tampon samples to my house. My parents are also aware,” he read.
“The only loser in this situation is Libra, who is sending me free tampon samples. I would like to go on record this afternoon and state categorically that I do not need them. They are going to waste,”
“I can only hope that common sense will prevail and we can all go back to living normal lives.”