22 March, 2016. 11:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
HE’S OFTEN QUICK WITH the jokes or to bludge one of your smokes, leaving many local Betoota residents wondering how he’s still got all of his teeth.
Speaking from experience, former smart cunt Gavin Cooley says by the time he turned 30, he only had three of his own teeth left.
“I made a joke about a bloke’s missus and he went out to his cruiser and came back with a length of reo bar and flogged me half to death with it,” he said.
“That was the end of that.”
But that’s not the case for current cheeky man Artie Bullhurst, who’s been making light-hearted jokes and derogatory comments about other townsfolk for years now – all without serious consequence.
“Haha yeah. My teeth are all a la naturale. Every single one, mate,” laughed the 26-year-old dental hygienist.
“Everybody around town thinks I’m funny. That’s because I am. They all know I’m joking when I make fun of them.”
One of the targets of his comedy has other ideas, saying that if he makes fun of his mullet or lisp again, he’ll be finding bits of his teeth in China.
Local drifter Michael Conoware also has a tattoo on his neck of a flaming skull, which is also another part of him that Artie likes to poke fun at.
“I’m going to make the local doctor earn his keep the next time I see the cunt,” said the convicted necrophiliac.
“If he flicks my mullet and says ‘I’m so scared of your neck tattoo’ down the pub again, I’m going punch him so hard in the forehead, his brain will bounce off the floorboards like a super ball.”
“Fucking mark my words, cunt. I’ll stamp his teeth out like I’m jumping on the cockroaches on my kitchen floor. I’ve had enough!”
More to come.