The deadly Coronavirus that is currently killing hundreds of thousands of people around the world has today released a statement announcing plans to cut America a bit of slack, because they’ve got enough going on right now.

This comes as a great relief to the protestors and police currently marching the streets in response to the extreme civil disorder currently gripping over 50 major cities.

Curfews have been imposed right across the US, as citizens continue to vent their outrage over the death of an unarmed black man shown on video gasping for breath as a white Minneapolis policeman illegally knelt on his neck for nine minutes on May 25th.

As American society continues to buckle under the pressures of populist politics that have gutted the public service institutions and social security nets, while also stoking the fires of prejudice towards minority groups – the coronavirus has today made it clear that it doesn’t want to make things any worse.

“The COVID-19 virus has decided that, in a showing of sympathy for the people of America, our highly contagious airborne bacteria will take a hiatus from infecting patients in North America for the time being” read the statement.

“America has enough to deal with when you look at their culture of systemic racism and oppression in both law enforcement and the media, the last thing they need is a deadly virus infecting them while they protest”

Police and protestors, who have had no choice but to violate social-distancing measures during demonstrations, say they are thankful to the coronavirus for pulling back during these difficult times – considering the government is unable to provide even their frontline medical staff with enough masks to avoid catching it.

It is believed that the Summer hurricanes and San Andreas fault are also considering taking a break from their annual natural disasters, in an effort to let America sort out this completely unavoidable nationwide race riot.


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