26 January, 2016 13:00


PRIME MINISTER MALCOLM TURNBULL has today announced that the government will build a fleet of 12 new submarines over the next 30 years as part of an overall increase in defence spending to combat the rise of religious extremism in the Middle East.

Early estimates have costed the submarines at $50 billion to design and build, but the cost of maintaining them could bring the total bill to $150 billion.

Speaking to journalists in Canberra this morning, the Prime Minister outlined the importance of this new defence program, one that will cost the equivalent of four brand-new capital city hospitals.

“We have decided that a fleet of twelve top-of-the-range military submarines is exactly what our proud nation needs to help combat the advances made by the Islamic State,”

“What we have learned is that IS troops are expanding from their landlocked strongholds into underwater territories,

The Prime Minister was thorough in his justification of the $150 billion dollar defence exercise, stating that the current war on Terror is one that could be easily lost if IS were able to spread across ocean floors around the world.

“The ocean is the lifeblood of our fragile planet, covering more than 70 percent of world’s surface, driving weather, regulating temperature, and ultimately supporting all living organisms,”

“If we were to allow ISIS take control of this territory, it would be unforgivable military error,”

“Considering over 95% of our Earth’s ocean remains unchartered, there is a large chance that ISIS could expand exponentially under the iron canopy of the sea,”

When questioned whether spending the equivalent of one quarter of Australian university fees on twelve underwater gun-boats, Turnbull reiterated that the decision to purchase and build these vessels was a result of the Australian ideas boom.

“It’s never been a more exciting time to be an Australian and it has never been a more exciting time to be in the Australian military. Fighting ISIS underwater would be so sweet,”

“And building $150 billion dollars worth of floating firepower is the first step towards defeating ISIS underwater.”


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here