11 October, 2016. 10:02

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IN A CAMPAIGN PERPETUATED BY twists and turns at every moment, a local commission-based software salesman has been taking every recent Trump controversy to heart – enough to warrant him speaking to his co-workers and friends passionately on the topic.

Scout Kipling hates Donald Trump and everything he stands for, that’s a point he wanted to drive home during his morning interview with The Advocate today.

Initially supporting Bernie Sanders for President, the 27-year-old dreams of a utopian world complete with world leaders hugging and starving children fed, quickly became a pipe dream.

“I mean, he’s just such a disgusting person. Did you see what Waleed Aly had to say about him last night on The Project? Urgghhhh I love him so much,” said Kipling.

“Everything that comes out of Trump’s mouth is lie, just like Hillary’s. But who’s the lesser evil. Erggh!! I hate Donald so much!”

Scout’s deep-seeded loathing for the New Yorker has almost driven some of his Sydney coworkers to cartwheel under a Tangara of a morning, saying that the mid-level sales manager just will not shut up about the US election.

In a report commissioned by the Teachers Federation, close to 90% of all high-schoolers who enjoyed US politics were the target of rampant and unfettered bullying at some point.

The same can be said for the workplace, with many of Scout’s colleagues planning to flog him half to death after he leaves this Friday’s afternoon-incubator-space-drinks-with-people-you-hate.

“We’re going to get him liquored up, then when he leaves, Martin from HR is going to tackle him, then we’re all going to jump on him like a Boxing Day trampoline,” said one coworker.

“We’ve got bigger things to worry about than the US election. Our figures are down this quarter and we might be getting the chop,”

“If there’s one thing we hate more than Trump, is grossly underqualified office professionals feeling qualified enough to form an opinion of the man.”


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