The state of South Australia has today declared a statewide day of mourning, after Germany was unceremoniously bundled out of the World Cup.

The 2014 Champions embarrassingly failed to make it out of their group after losing to Japan and drawing with Spain – something which the entire region of Europe and many parts of the world found extremely funny.

Their blushes almost got worse this morning, when footballing minnows Costa Rica went 2-1 up in the second half, with the Germans looking like failing to win a World Cup game at a tournament for the first time ever.

As a result of that historic failure, South Australia has declared a day of mourning.

All non-essential businesses have been told to close, with a number of limited services held across the state, from the Barossa to Rundle Mall.

With Germans founding the winemaking industry in the country, and huge pockets of German residents and Australians with Germanic heritage all across the state, Premier Peter Malinauskas has called an official public holiday.

“The balls balls are at half mast today,” said the Premier.

“As much as I don’t want to, I have to respect the constituency, who either settled here because they wanted too, or because they were escaping their war crimes.”

Adelaide Hills local Barrosa Ettinghuasen (whose family still speaks German at the table) told The Advocate that today is one of the toughest in memory.

“Embarrassing,” said the man famous for his lack of humour.

“Nothing can erase the pain and the shame.”

“I cannot work today, I cannot do anything.”

More to come


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