LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The long suffering empathy consultant of flex-day Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has smashed yet another clipboard to pieces yesterday following the PM’s comments about autism.
During the first leader’s debate which was hosted by the bastion of unbiased journalism that is Sky News, Scotty was asked by the mother of a child with autism about his future plans for the NDIS.
Allegedly reading from his own playbook on how to be relatable, Scotty started his response by stating “Jenny and I have been blessed, we have two children who haven’t had to go through that.”
Although it was not captured on camera, at this point Scotty’s empathy consultant was seen throwing his clipboard to the ground like he was Ricky Stuart but with a somehow harder job than coaching the Canberra Raiders.
“I told him not to mention bloody Jenny,” said the empathy consultant, holding down the last intact blood vessel in her temple.
“Stop bloody bringing her and your daughters up, you mug!”
Understandably choosing to remain anonymous, Scotty’s empathy consultant is reportedly earning $200,000 wonderful taxpayer dollars a year, she states she is already considering a career change.
“No Scotty, your children haven’t had to go through that. They’ve just had to go through the trauma of being scapegoated when you were absent during a natural disaster and having to sit with you while you failed at ukelele in front of the nation.”
“Maybe I should work for someone with a bit more empathy like a ball of uncooked pizza dough or Ivan Millat’s undiscovered accomplice.”