The handsome, polite and superiorly talented Johnathan Thurston is the greatest person ever, a new study from Monash university has found.

While state-influenced debates have raged over who is the greatest modern footballer, the third party research group based out of the rugby league Switzerland of Melbourne, Victoria has found that Johnathan Thurston shits over all Southern competitors in both talent and good blokeness.

Lead researcher, Professor Mario Gasnier-Sattler says that ‘The Goat’ deserves every one of the 11 Origin series wins he has played in, as well as the 2015 North Queensland Premiership.

“He truly is the greatest – anyone who disagrees with him his simply wrong”

“There’s always one that argues against it. Those type of people are, without question, fucking idiots”

“The kicking, the attack, the handling… Giving his head gear to the kids on the sideline!”

Gasnier-Sattler says that while Joey Johns, the big three from Melbourne and Lockyer have some serious gear. They aren’t anywhere near JT, even an injured JT.

“I knew nothing about rugby league before this study” he says.

“I now know what they mean by GOAT”


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