ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Somewhere deep inside the catacombs under our town’s French Quarter lies the local meeting place of one of the nation’s most secretive societies.
The Red Frogs, a youth organisation made up of Christian volunteers, is thought to be the modern equivalent of the Knights Templar, an ancient military order of the Catholic Church tasked with protecting pilgrims on their journey to the Holy Lands.
As Schoolies week kicks off this weekend, prospective members of The Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and of the Temple of Jim Beam (or Red Frogs for short) gathered last night to swear a blood oath to God to protect, serve and shepherd the nation’s heavily-intoxicated and drug-addled 18-year-olds through the valley of the shadow of death toward the sobering rays of dawn.
Our reporter was granted unprecedented access to the induction ceremony, where a King James Bible is laid out on an alter alongside a packet of Allen’s Red Frogs. Each member is asked to draw blood from their middle fingers and to let is drip down on the book of Pslams while they chant the Decree of the Frog.
“Non nobis, Domine, non nobis, sed Nomini tuo da gloriam. Non nobis, Domine, non nobis, sed Nomini tuo da gloriam. Non nobis, Domine, non nobis, sed Nomini tuo da gloriam.”
After each senior member of the Red Frogs casts their vote, the prospective members are asked to return to the alter one by one to receive the verdict on their application.
Upon success, the candidates are issued six Red Frog t-shirts, a Walther PPQ with two magazines, a kevlar vest with front and back Type IIIA ceramic plates, one copy of the King James Bible, two Dr Peppers, a Fairbairn–Sykes fighting knife and most importantly, a box of Allen’s Red Frogs.
Should they fail, candidates are given return airfares to Coolangatta and a $250 prepaid credit card.
For more information on joining the Red Frogs, don’t try to seek it out. It’s an organisation that finds you, not one you find yourself.
More to come.
