ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Nightwatchman of Australia has fronted reporters today in Canberra where he answered a number of questions surrounding the alleged cyber attack on Parliament House last week.

Scott Morrison revealed this afternoon that the Parliament’s servers where compromised by a ‘sophisticated state actor’ in part because nobody had updated the server’s Norton Internet Security in a while.

“As it turns out, my fellow Australians, when Norton tells you to update your software, don’t just click the little red box in the order. You need to actually update it or else China will get into your computer and learn all your secrets,” said rough-and-tumble dad.

“We’ve since installed the patch and new definitions so Old Xi Jinping can jump on it, like my pony. I’ve got the magic stick now, my friend.”

Every reporter under the age of 30 audibly moaned in disgust at what the Prime Minister had just said.

“Anyway,” he laughed.

“Everything is back to normal. Early reports suggest, however, that the people responsible for not updating the Norton are Bill Shorten, Penny Wong and that weird-looking Andrew Gaze one with incredibly soft hands. Remember that when you cast your vote.”

More to come.


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