17 May, 2016. 17:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
REACHING OUT TO HIS wide group of Sydney-based mates, Brett Cranfield was left in a bit of a pickle after being invited by a close business associate to a Sydney Swans match.
The 27-year-old office worker doesn’t have a Swans scarf, so he decided to take to Facebook, asking friends if he could borrow one.
Unfortunately for Mr Cranfield, who was publically-educated against his will, his friend is taking him into the Sydney Cricket Ground Members area, where not having a Swans scarf can attract unpleasant stares and spirited jeering from others.
“I’ve made so many connections here is Sydney, I’m confident of sourcing a scarf by next week. Didn’t want to jump the gun, though, [laughs]”
“Apparently, if you decide to go sans-scarf to the Members area, they make fun of you for not being a true fan. Another close associate of mine was called a ‘fuck boy’ by some cretin with a popped collar when he left his behind in the Uber!”
“I’d sooner make eye contact with the food and beverage staff than have that happen to me!”
Though Sydney Swans matches at the SCG [Sydney Cricket Ground] are the definition of a ‘fuck boy’ magnet, a recent study has found that many of these young professional men have trouble self-identifying as these types of decrepit sociopaths.
In the same report, which was commission by the club, found that there was a significant demand for an on-site teeth whitening booth and a scotch tasting bar to entertain guests at half-time.
But for sports fans like Brett Cranfield, they’re just happy to be there – and not sitting on the other side of the stadium with the window-lickers and Victorians.
“Going to a Swans game is much, much more than just watching a game of glorified kick-backs, it’s about the Instagram post and perhaps even a cheeky facey while you’re at it,” he said.
“You might as well not even go if you’re not going to tell anybody.”
He’s a bum taker.