ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Being a 24-year-old youngest of four, Dennis Schumann has more nieces and nephews than one could poke a stick at.
While his older siblings are enjoying married life, punctuated with the joy of children, Dennis isn’t ready for that type of commitment yet – and would rather spend his weekends putting things into his body while listening to techno.
“It’s fucked, mate,” explained the Brisbane-native. “They’re crawling all over me and won’t leave me alone. My siblings have pretty much dumped them all on me. Mum and Dad reckon it’s good. I don’t.”
But there’s one activity that the Hutchinson Builders project manager is forced to do by himself – and it doesn’t involve the bathroom.
Dennis found peace of the Christmas Day by ducking out onto the deck and treating himself to some lung candy – something that his brothers, sisters and parents have all since grown out of.
“I have Stuyvo in bed before I get up in the morning,” he said. “Then I crush up two Klonopin tablets and spike my own orange juice over breakfast. That puts me in a good mood. Then the kids start up with their bullshit and I just melt into the couch and wonder how I ended up in this situation.”
“The cricket’s on tomorrow, so there’s that. But each time when I feel the world caving in on me, the questions about where my life is going and where I want it to go, I just nip out onto the deck and get my durrie on.”
Schumann revealed to The Advocate that he only wants the best tar for his lungs, which is why he always budgets and treats himself whenever he makes the trip down to the servo to stock up.
“Life is too short to not enjoy the finer things in life.” he said.
