RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact

The most handsome members of the SBS World Cup Commentary Team, Craig Foster and Mark Bosnich, have provided emotionally charged expert analysis of the Socceroos woeful performance against Les Bleus.

“I know it’s hard and France are a great team,” Foz admitted on live television with open palms, “but Australia needs a better team that plays differently if we ever want to win.”

From across SBS’s Qatari studio couch, Boz nodded in agreement with the understated yet brutal analysis.

Boz then provided an even more brutal analysis of not just the Socceroos, but Australia as a footballing nation.

“We pat ourselves on the back for making it to the Cup but we’ve only made it to the round of 16 once. We need a completely new list of better players who have the skill and class to match teams like France, and we need a new game plan.”

The hard-truths came at half-time of the match between France and Australia, when the Socceroos were only down 2-1. The post-match analysis was far more savage, albeit an honest accounting of where things are at.

“To lose 4-1 like that. Monstered all over the pitch,” Boz said to Foz with a stare of intensity.

“This is our sixth world cup for fuck sake. When are we going to be a completely different team that is the best in the world and plays like France and wins the World Cup?”

The Silver Foz was matching Boz’ intensity but with heaps more natural charisma.

He said: “We’re not going to win any games playing like we did today. And we won’t win any more until we completely overhaul our system and play differently, with a whole new squad of players that are far better than the ones we have. We need to play like Barcelona.”

John Aloisi was sitting there too, listening and nodding along with the top flight analysis that was casual yet utterly ruthless. He interjected, waving a raised finger. “We won’t get out of the group stage with this shit team and shit game style.”

While the expert analysis is technically correct, families of the Socceroos players are hoping that the team is not watching SBS’s coverage of the Cup, because Foz and Boz have been absolutely teeing-off on them.


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