Brunswick Football Club Head Trainer Dave O’Keefe has been a part of the furniture in the Bat Cave (the team’s clubrooms) for the previous 28 years.

“He says it’s like a second home, but I’ve never seen him leave… I think he sleeps on the rub down table” said 38-year-old Bats wingman, Allen “Skinny” Ablett.

That was until last weekend, when the man affectionately known as “Stump” (thanks to the three digits he lost in a meat packing accident in 1996) was stood down by club President Marc Allford (47) in light of “disturbing allegations” against him.

“Some players mentioned a few things…” said Allford.

“For one, he was heard speaking favourably about his wife and married life in general… He’d stopped making jokes about perving on the netballers… Just generally not talking enough shit”

“He has a duty he needs to uphold and he’s let alot of people down”

Having competently iced the corked thighs of hundreds of Bats players over nearly three decades, and achieving life membership in ’06, which O’Keefe, (77) described as “a highlight”, the club diehard believes the President has given him a “shit sandwich” – and that he deserved better, considering the loyalty he’d shown them.

“The Richmond Snakes offered me a slab in twenty-twelve… I should’ve taken it… fuck!” he says.

Opinions were split over the decision among the playing group, with clubbies midfielder, Ian “Chopper” Wood saying O’Keefe was “useless” and the club is “better off without him”.

“I had a tib-fib compound fracture back when I played thirds… the stupid bastard taped it up and tried to send me back out.”

But when this reporter broke the news to burly reserves full-forward, Brad “Snake” McKenna, who was absent from the weekend’s game due to a hunting trip, he said he was “sad” to see O’Keefe go.

“Jesus, who’s going to rub deep heat into my groin? I’m not letting Lefty anywhere near my old fella… the blokes a deviant” he said, slamming the boot of his VL Commodore.



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