22 October, 2015. 16:05

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

A 21-year-old Australian has been kicked off a professional sporting tour, effective immediately, after not wanting to win.

The man in question, tennis player Nick Kyrgios, faces a ban until January at the earliest for what the  described a “conduct contrary to the integrity of the game” – despite openly admitting he doesn’t like tennis.

Australians are disgusted at Kyrgios’s lack of drive to win matches in our nation’s eighth most popular sport.

“Its fucking UnAustralian!” shouts local chippy, Ben Castlemaine (35), who hasn’t watched a match of tennis since Pat Rafter was playing.

“He should be ashamed of himself!”

The announcement follows Kyrgios’ performance against German Mischa Zverev, in which the Aussie fell 6-3 6-1 in 48 minutes and appeared to not give a shit on a number of occassions

At one point, he lobbed a serve over the net and walked off the court before his opponent had returned, making the sport not very entertaining to watch.


  1. Ben (arseholemaine) Castlemaine needs a kick up the arse. It is, in fact, VERY Australian for an elite athlete to turn up to something as boring as tennis and say to the ‘establishment’, “This is what I think of your boring game that is so dull, it hasn’t changed in a hundred years”.

    Nick has proven he can beat anyone on the planet—when he feels like it.
    And when he feels like giving Tennis Australia the finger—he can do that too.

    Nick is not only the greatest tennis player of our time, he is also a rebel and a maverick. These are the traits that endeared Ned Kelly to all who cared for what he was fighting for.

    Nick is our very own modern-day Ned Kelly. Go, Nickers!


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