A cocky young bloke who’s been walking around the pub like he’s bulletproof, actually is bulletproof, it has been confirmed by nearby scientists who just happened to be drinking in the same place.

The Lord Kidman Hotel’s local crowd in South Betoota just sit and watch on, as the near-invincible young fella keeps carrying on like a galah.

After jeering at a group of girls, yelling ‘taxi’ when an old codger dropped a glass and putting his hand over the bar to turn a tap on – 18-year-old Alistair Woodburn has been informed by the publican that he’s very lucky he actually is bulletproof.

“Mate! If you weren’t wearing military issue interceptor body armour complete with a deltoid and axillary protection system, side plate carrier, back extender and tier 2 Pelvic Protection – you’d be getting a hiding right now” roared the bartender.

The loudmouth youngster responded by saying “oooooh!” before putting his tongue through his forked fingers, mimicking the sexual act of cunnilingus.

Regulars say they are completely at odds about what to do, mainly because physical violence doesn’t look like it would be an effective way of dealing with the newcomer’s behaviour.

“Mate, if that kid wasn’t in close to 40 kilos of juggernaut body armour, I’d have lifted him hours ago” says Rod, a 55-year-old sparky.

“He’s a real smartarse, but for once in my life, violence isn’t going to solve anything”

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