Manual worker making hand rolled up tobacco cigarette; close-up

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Caught between a credit card and a hard place, a West Betootan road worker spent much of the afternoon fishing through his ashtray looking for something vaguely smokable – all the while wondering if he’s above smoking dumpers.

Today’s announcement of an increase in taxes on both pre-rolled and roll-your-own cigarettes has made this decision a lot easier.

“Fucking great”

Greg Pellet turned 39 in January, but strangers often mistake him for being much older

“It’s because of my love the durry. I am a slave to the durry,” he said, speaking to The Advocate while he inspected each one of his housemate’s discarded cigarette butts.

“I don’t need this stress. I’m not one of those gross pre-rolled smokers”

“But you see, I don’t get paid until next Thursday and I’ve gone and pissed all my money up against the wall. I’m already getting by on half a meat pie each day, you’d be fucked if I can make room for some smicks in my budget, especially at the price they are now.”

While Pellet confided in The Advocate that personally, he knew he wasn’t above smoking dumpers, he didn’t want anyone else to know that he’d stoop that low as a grown man with a full-time job.

However, we can report that rather than wrap his lips around some sickly old ciggie butt, he collected about a dozen smoked durries, peeled the virgin tobacco out of each one and rolled himself a racehorse with bible paper.




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