TRACEY BENDINGER | Local News | Contact

An investigation into the psychological toll of singing happy birthday to strangers has revealed some staggering results today.

The piece, led by The Advocate, discovered that restaurant managers are the only staff members paid enough to be able to overcome the humiliation of singing to a complete stranger.

Our reporters managed to work closely with over 100 of Betoota’s top restaurants, initially interviewing each individual staff member to find out how many of them actually enjoyed singing happy birthday, but after the first few restaurants, we realised we were on to something far greater.

It was clear to see that no one enjoyed singing happy birthday, but where it became interesting was the point at which people stopped caring.

Staff members on a salary of $50,000 per year suffered the highest rate of psychological damage, whereas managers on $100,000 had little to no damage at all.

“Fuck it, I get paid pretty good, so I might as well sing” said the manager at Blue Lobster, a Japanese-French inspired restaurant in the French Quarter.

A floor runner at Tappas on Tap was not so sound, “It’s humiliating, especially if it’s a hot chick. I’m tone-deaf. I don’t sleep for 2 nights after I have to sing happy birthday.”

According to the floor runner’s mum, his night terrors are nearly to the point that she’s considering speaking to management.

“It’s just so hard to watch. And all because they make him sing happy birthday.”

More to come


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