A report into the current state of how fucked everything is as a young person in Australia has found a few crumbs of comfort amongst the sharpened saw dust of what was meant to be your savings account.

In a report by Betoota For Profit University titled ‘There Must Be Some Reason To Live Surely’ it was determined that some young people who can no longer afford to pay for their landlord’s weird and expensive Toblerone fetish can move back in with their parents which is not a luxury everyone has.

“Remember, there are people who have been made homeless by the cost of living crisis,” stated researcher Dr Simon Duke, who’s probably the sort of guy who comments on International Women’s Day posts asking why no one was talking about Gaza.

“Living with mum and dad isn’t so bad, food cooked for you, laundry done, mail opened for you, it’s easy!”

“Unless it’s during a federal election in which case it might be best to ask mum or dad if you could borrow their tent.”

One unique observation is that people in different age groups often have different opinions. As parents and their children are usually members of different generations, a social-political divide between the young and the old is enduring and inevitable yet also easy to ignore if there is weather to discuss.

However, news coverage of a federal election is enough to bring familial tensions to a head as conservative parents refuse to acknowledge the human cost of stealing from the young as if it’s not literally sitting on their couch right now.

“We don’t like to discuss politics,” stated one Betoota dad, the minute his daughter began to disagree with his 40 minute rant on immigrants.

“If you’ve got a problem with it then rightio, no one is making you stay here.” 

“But seriously you are staying for cake tomorrow right?”



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