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As total Gemini April Chen experiences a flash of annoyance that her lash tech suddenly went on holiday just a week before Splendour, she finds herself reaching for her phone to have a whinge to mum – making it the second call since this morning.

You see, April is already a week and half done with her lashes and the last thing she wants to do is rock up to Jack Harlow sporting eyes that look like a bald fanny. No fucking way.

Had she known her lash tech was going away, she would have booked in sooner. But now, she finds herself very very mildly inconvenienced. And she’s sure her mum will want to hear about it, or at least give her the vindication she requires to be just a little bit annoyed at her very first world problem.

Waiting for her mum to ask her how she is, April launches into her terrible hardships as a modern woman.

“Yeah finnnne, I don’t know what to do about my lashes though which is a bit annoyyyying.”

“I wish she’d texted me about it, I’ve been a client for a year so I feel like it would have been considerate, you know?”

“I feel ugly. Am I ugly?”

“I know I’m not supposed to put mascara on them but I might have to now.”

“I’d go to the chemist to pick up some falsies but I refuse to because they took 40 MINUTES WITH MY PRESCRIPTION the other day.”

“Anywayyyyy…how are you?!”

More to come.

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