EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
A couple of woo girls have this week inadvertently lined their nasal cavities with faecel matter, when an impromptu Thursday night sesh saw them getting on the bags.
Lisa Denison and Marly Hobbs, both 26, are alleged to have met up at the Ponds dive bar last night, having both agreed hours beforehand that they ‘would not be having a big one.’
However, after downing just one prosecco each, they’d quickly agreed to split a bottle of wine – which then, of course, resulted in the most loaded question you can ask on a night out.
“…should we?”
“The term ‘should we’, is known as the sleeper agent awaken code amongst sesh circles, and is typically uttered after 9pm, when the spirits are high. This phrase, which sounds unfinished and nonsensical to those around you, is best paired with a knowing look 👀.
Within an hour of deciding, the two pretty friends had quickly been able to secure a bag of coke from Lisa’s doting drug dealer Liam, who not only agreed to pay half, pay later scheme, but also offered to personally deliver the requested item himself.
How nice!
Unfortunately, as neither girl drove or owned a house key (apartment FOB life), they had no other option but to improvise – but luckily, they were blessed with a flat toilet paper cistern!
Expertly cutting together two neat lines, the two girls had no idea they were just about to not only snort some truly subpar cocaine, but also one million streams of e coli.
Should have used a phone screen instead.
More to come.
