With bars and restaurants slowly opening up again, scores of bar promoters are scrambling to come up with clever ways to incorporate the pandemic into live music events. One such pack of promoters – a bunch of Whooton boys who all peaked in high school – have set aside their Sunday afternoon to bounce off some ideas.

The group of twenty something trust fund kids are all alleged to have dropped out from studying a business degree, in favour of being full time dickheads.

Erik Noughten-James, the lead promoter and wannabe Soundcloud rapper reckons that he might just have a perfect idea for getting people through the doors of ‘The Rush’- a coronavirus party.

Meeting the gaze of every sunken pair of glazed eyes peering at him around the table, a slightly hungover Erik begins to enthusiastically pitch his groundbreaking, original idea.

“So I’m thinking”, says Erik, pausing for dramatic effect, “that we do some kind of pandemic themed party.”

“Like…wait for it. Pandemic of the state, lockdown party.”

At the confused grunts, Erik explains his logic.

“You know, all the songs can be virus themed. We could even do cheap Corona buckets, it’ll be fucking hilarious.”

All at once, the residual cicada like hum of pitiful moaning halts to a stop, as the room acknowledges the brilliance of his idea.

“HAHAHA YES MATE!”, shouts Benji as he dislodges a small piece of crystal MD from his right nostril.

“YES I’M IN”, thumps Ian in morse code, slamming his head into the table in agreement.

The boys all take turns patting each other on the front of their trunks, before sitting back down and nutting out the logistics of the event – which will likely involve charging people $20 a head to wait forty minutes for a watered-down vodka lime soda.

More to come.


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