LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With higher interest rates resulting in a reduced borrowing capacity, and the whole housing market already being a massively overpriced chode to begin with, loan applications at the Bank of Mum & Dad are at an all-time high.
However, would-be borrowers are finding strict clauses written into their verbal contracts including the production of grandchildren, like right away.
One couple of prospective home buyers are newlyweds Tom and Diana from Betoota Heights who just want to own their first home like their parents did, albeit for 30 times the price.
One thing they wanted to do differently to their parents was not to immediately get into child-making like a kid-free marriage is a dirty thing that cannot be tolerated for even a minute.
Unfortunately for Tom and Di, if they want to make with the money they need to make with the honey and pump out a couple of grandchildren to please the prospective grandparents in charge of their home loan.
“You always said you’d like to have kids once you owned your own place,” stated Diana’s mum, who hadn’t put this many words in her daughters mouth since she was spoon feeding her alphabet soup.
“Well you can do that now. I mean, you do want us to help you out right? Help you get a place, with plenty of room…for little ones?”
“Maybe even have enough left over for a granny flat out the back?”
At the time of writing, Tom and Di are still tossing up between a secure suburban future wherein they are emotionally blackmailed by their benefactors or quitting their jobs, moving to the Netherlands, starting a cannabis blog, and never speaking English again.