Tensions are high at the border of New South Wales and Victoria as the two southern states squabble over something worth squabbling over for a change. 

The Victoria/NSW border is set to close at 12:01 am Wednesday, July 8th as Victoria records 127 new Coronavirus cases, its highest ever daily case total.

This announcement has come in the aftermath of 12 North Melbourne suburbs being placed on lockdown including nine public housing towers being placed in forced lockdown in what many are calling the most classist and disrespectful Big Brother reboot to date.

In order to contain the spread of Coronavirus, officials at the NSW/VIC border will be testing would-be border crossers by asking them to identify a ‘deep-fried parcel of potato’ to determine which side of the border they really belong on.

“A driver’s license can only determine so much” stated NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian.

“Asking people to identify a deep-fried parcel of thinly sliced or mashed will give us a 100% accurate reading, and if they refuse the test, they will not be allowed to eat the potato which for the record, is called a potato scallop round here.”

Berejiklian has publicly stated the border closure has been an ‘extremely difficult’ process, citing working with Premier Andrews as one of the main stresses.

“I can handle working with some Labor mooch but if I have to hear that man call a scallop a potato cake one more bloody time the border will be closed forever.”

“Literally no one wanted to go to Victoria anyway. I don’t understand why he is even putting cops down there on his side”



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