Scotty From Marketing has today announced that he is plenty more announcements to make over the next few months.

Flanked by his embattled Treasurer Josh Frydenberg, Scotty made it clear that everything is all good – and the collapse of Australia’s fresh food and medical supply chains will be the least of our worries over the next few months.

And by that he means that he will give us other things to worry about, through heavily manipulated news cycles that will be forced down our throats by complicit journalists publishing his heavily focus-grouped press releases and Tweets with absolutely zero critical analysis.

After ABC 7.30’s bombshell revelations that leading medical manufacturers and pharmacy chains had been begging the Morrison Government for months to secure sufficient RATs and booster shots to survive the Omicron wave, the Prime Minister has today had to front the media to avoid questions about why this supply issue is now being gifted to the billionaire retailers that fund his election campaigns with generous political donations.

“Do not worry, Australians” said the PM today.

“For all of those who are terrified by the fact that there is no veggies, meat or medical supplies available in any of our supermarkets…”

“Or those of you getting all caught up on the fact that your kids might not be able to go back to school until they get their jabs in four months time..”

“I want you to know I have a plan”

As Scotty went on to explain, his government has a formulated plan to ease the nation’s anxieties about his incompetent leadership by securing up to 40 million distractions, which will be gradually leaked to the media every day until the Federal Election – whenever that is.

These distractions range from publicly vilifying a number global sporting superstars, to the culture wars debates surrounding gay kids in school and Australia Day tensions, as well as heavy handed diplomatic announcements that generate fear over the possibility of a full-scale war with China.

Not to mention the fact that Gladys might finally change her mind about joining him in Canberra, after publicly denying any such thing on three different occassions.

“We’ve got plenty to work with here” he said.

“I’ll start tonight by posting a photo of me making a curry with my pet dog inside a new chicken coup I built”

“I don’t know about these whingeing nurses and teachers… But my photographers and media spin doctors are ready to work!”


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