Federal Opposition leader and potentially Australia’s first single dad Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese has spent the last few hours in a panic – as he tries to trace his steps over the last week.

“Fuck. Where was I on Saturday?” wonders the Marrickville MP.

“May Day was Monday… So I was in Brissy for that… Where the fuck was I on the weekend?”

This comes as NSW Health Experts release a list of hospitality venues and businesses that have been visited by an active case, who was reportedly infectious with a high viral load throughout the back-end of last week.

With 6pm mid-week cinema screenings followed by 8:45 dinner bookings, the day-to-day movements of the active case at the centre of the contact tracing match up perfectly with his profiling as a mid-50s Sydneysider.

Right down to the fact that he spent an entire day on Saturday visiting as many barbecue related outlets in South Sydney.

  • Health experts warn that Joe’s Barbeques & Heating Silverwater, Tucker Barbecues Silverwater, Barbeques Galore Annandale and Barbeques Galore Casula all got a good dose of the Indian itchy lung.

As well as the BP on Botany Road, and the Meat Store in Bondi Junction – two stop points that indicate he found the barbecue he was looking for, and picked up a gas refill and some steaks on the way home.

However, this list of BBQ-related outlets has the Leader Of The Opposition in a panic.

“I could have been at any one of these fucking joints” said Albo.

“The Weber’s been doing my head in. I’m just not sure when I was last running these kind of grill-related errands”

“Tuesday was Mackay. That’s right. Up there with the farm wogs”

“Where the fuck was I Saturday.. Was I even in Sydney?”

“Rabbits played Thursday In Canberra…”

The Italian Stallion stops to think long and hard.

“Ahhh that it!”

“Orthodox Easter at Saint Nicholas in Marrickville. Jesus left the tomb and the Greeks have saved me from 4 days inside as well!”

“Christos fucken Anesti!”


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