“Put the fucking house on it” said the Victorian Premier.

“This is easy money”

The media scrum murmured in shock. In his first press conference since his 116-day lockdown streak, Dan Andrews is no longer talking about that evil virus that shut down Melbourne.

He’s no longer talking about the trials and tribulations of the Victorian people.

Now he’s talking about his second great love. Heavyweight boxing.

“I’m not kidding ya” he says.

“If you know anything about boxing, then listen to me when I say”

“Hunt will knock Gallen the fuck out in the third”

“I cannot be any clearer on that”

The reporters assembled followed up these comments with a flurry of questions, with many asking why the Premier Of Victoria would host a press conference to discuss his tips for a boxing match taking place two weeks from now in Parramatta.

“Just thought you’d be interested in my thoughts” he said.

“Seems to be a bit of hype, and a lot of armchair experts”

“But unlike them, I actually know my shit”

This comes as former rugby league star Paul Gallen calls out his opponent, former UFC star Mark Hunt for publicising personal text messages on social media.

The screen shots detailed a conversation in which the Super Samoan questioned whether the Sharks legend was taking steroids.

Hunt and Gallen are co-headliners alongside in a fight night featuring Tim Tszyu, who will take on New Zealand’s Bowyn Morgan in a double-header at Bankwest Stadium on December 16.

However, in Victoria today, Dan Andrews was taking the spotlight off the brutal year of lockdown to share his predictions for this battle of the former sports stars.

Further questioning from the press gallery centred around where Andrews was getting his good oil, and if he knew something that the sports journos didn’t.

“There’s no conspiracy here” he said.

“Why does everyone think everything I say has some sort of sinister alterior motive. First it was the lockdown now i’m being accused of rigging boxing fights?”

“I’m just telling ya as a former middleweight from Dandenong Boys, that’s my predictions, and anyone who knows shit about boxing will agree”



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