3 November, 2015. 10:05

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact

Australia’s blacksmiths have voiced their displeasure with Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull after he announced that he would be scrapping Tony Abbott’s controversial dames and knighthoods.

“It’s absurd,” says Yurin Blackhands, a smithy based in the Adelaide Hills, “it took me most of winter to set up my kiln. I got a prime location: just south of the crossroads, not far from the inn. Now he’s telling me my customer base no longer exists!”

Similar complaints are being made all over the country – from even as far as Melbournetown.

Moderately conservative media personality, Andrew Bolt led the charge for the now unemployed blacksmiths: “this is typical of Malcolm Turnbull and I think it’ll be typical of his government.

What you’ve got here is you’ve got men who have built fine broadswords, throwing axes, helms, shields, and halberds, and they’ve suddenly been told ‘sorry mates, go home.’ Well I think it’s mad, and I think it sums up Mr. Turnbull’s smug, left-wing attitude.”

Huster Redkilm showed the Betoota Advocate his now redundant wares: “look at this, this is a fine blade, a princely gift. This is a +2 short-sword with fire resistance. But now that there’s no knights, it’s all but worthless.”

Mr. Redkim moved his family to Canberra so that he could be closer to “the noble houses.”

The blacksmiths have joined with the Handmaiden Union, who have similarly been left shortchanged by the sudden disappearing of titles, in their case, dames.

“M’lady dust needst me to don her bonnet,” said a spokesperson, “but now me m’lady aint a lady no more and wants for nothing.”

The Prime Minister’s office has stated that it won’t respond to further criticisms of the decision or any offers of trial by combat.


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