7 December, 2015. 14:06
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
AFTER INHERITING THE economic, political and foreign policy mistakes of the previous government, US President Barack Obama has revealed that since taking office, he’s been struck down by crippling migraines. Doctors at Howard University Hospital in Washington D.C. have finally been able to isolate the cause of the president’s headaches, which are clearly visible on MRI scans released by the White House today.
Since taking office, Obama has had to deal with the legacy of the Bush Administration, which takes on many forms in both Washington and abroad. Trying to govern the nation with a hostile senate, far-reaching lobby groups and a floundering economy has proven to be quite difficult for the 54-year-old Hawaiian. Speaking today from New York City, Obama said that without the efforts made by Mr Bush, his time in the top job would’ve been very different.
“The headaches started in early 2009, a few months after I won the election,” said Obama. “We were putting together our first budget. We couldn’t really do a whole lot because we’d just spent $200bn in the Middle East that year. That was when they started.”
It was just the beginning for the former civil rights attorney.
His migraines began to intensify as the United States started the elongated process of withdrawing ground forces from Iraq and Afghanistan in 2010. Both the president and the people of America hoped that this would be the end of a near decade long military and economic quagmire but it wasn’t meant to be.
“I’ve spent most of my second term in pain,” said Obama. “One thing after another. Just when I think we’ve got the money to spend on something crass like hospitals or schools, I’m having to write out a cheque so we can vaporise shit from Armenia to Zimbabwe.”
Since the War on Terror began in 2001, the collective world spend on military operations in the Middle East and Africa is in the vicinity of $2 trillion dollars. To put that figure in to perspective, former Australian prime minister Bob Hawke said during a speech to the Australia Institute last week that the mind-blowing sum would be enough to buy almost 200 billions schooners of draught beer.
“I’ll tell you something for free, 200 million schooners would do a lot more for world peace than bombs and bullets,” said the South Australian. “The only headaches I had when I was PM were from a decent Shiraz or Victoria Bitter.”