The Nation

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has today taken great pleasure in threatening to kill another pair of Hollywood icons. Tom Hanks and his wife, Rita Wilson, have been given until Saturday to get out of the country or they will be put down - after bringing Coronavirus into Australia without declaring it to quarantine. Tom Hanks said on Wednesday...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Finance Minister Mathias Cormann said earlier this week that he didn't want to see the government handing out cash payments to people on welfare because he didn't think it was the best use of money. Today, the Coalition's senate leader has had to eat humble pie as the government's leadership team agreed to do just...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact South Betoota Polytechnic College is slowly reopening today after closing its doors last week amid the coronavirus panic. However, our town's only tertiary education institute is staring down the barrel of going back to its former business model of being a glorified TAFE college. In the mid-1990s, the Howard Government decided to upgrade the South Betoota...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Unlucky in-love Australians are being urged to take extra caution in their dating app exploits, following the outbreak of Coronavirus, which can be contracted by simply grazing someones hand during a first date at a moderately priced Mexican restaurant. In response to the pandemic, prominent dating apps are providing quarantined zones for unfamiliar suitors, until they have clarification that...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Sydney-based toy cunt has been arrested on charges related to a string of sexual offences and a number of other offences relating to tattooing someone without consent. Toy cunt Anthony Lister, 40, was taken into custody this morning by police, who then proceeded to search his home and studio for clues. The charges are linked...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The coronavirus has the potential to delete millions of Baby Boomers from our beautiful continent and nobody knows this better than the Prime Minister. This week, Scott Morrison said he plans to do something about coronavirus after being told by people in his team that the deadly flu-like virus could eradicate the Coalition Government's voter...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Betoota Heights man Gregory Poon is a hat guy. He wears a hat everywhere. More often than not, he wears them backwards. But what really gets his mother and grandmother's goat is the fact that he often wears his stupid hat backwards while indoors. The 29-year-old muscleman is either an idiot, which his mother says is entirely plausible...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Controversial men's rights activist Bettina Arndt is facing further calls for her to be stripped of her Order of Australia medal as many in the local community feel it should go to someone who actually serves society. Liana Demetriou serves her community. For a number of years now, the 24-year-old from our town's leafy north...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Southern Tasmania's Dark Mofo Festival has been cancelled this year amid fears the coronavirus will not be contained to a satisfactory level before the show kicks off this winter. Festival organisers broke the news this morning in Hobart where they told gathered reporters and concerned Melbourne yuppies who've destroyed the Tasmanian housing market that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT "Fuck off" "Nah fuck of ya dumb pricks" said an irate Scotty Cam trying to do his best wound up real-life actual tradie impression this afternoon. The stern rebuttal was to the question of why he's already pocketed 140ish grand for doing nothing other than a couple of social media posts/videos and a single appearance for all of...