Sports

Workplace Divorcee Currently Making Absolute Karmichael Hunt Of Himself In The Corporate Tent

COLIN PATERSON | Melbourne | CONTACT Pat McKlint (divorced, 54) has been heard slurring at the top of his voice as he stumbles towards the Randwick Racecourse fence for race 8, which he can only see on the big screen. What should have been a pleasant day out for this commercial real estate team, quickly turned ugly when McKlint went another $250 down on the...

Man Who Was Never Any Good At Australian Sporting Codes Really Into Baseball Apparently

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Apparently local account director, Zane Shearer, is really into the American baseball competition of MLB. His co-workers made this discovery on Monday, when he went to the effort of decking out his desk space with seemingly brand new LA Dodgers merchandise. This news comes a shock to many in his office, as most of his colleagues just assumed that...

Cricketing Great Rob Quiney To Release Tell-All Memoir Detailing Test Career

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact FORMER TEST GREAT Rob Quiney is set to release his own memoir from his time at the top, detailing some explosive stories from his two Test matches in 2012. Despite only scoring nine runs in his first match in Brisbane against South Africa and collecting a pair in his second Adelaide test match, the 34-year-old...

Nation Disgusted By Seemingly Talented Man’s Inability To Succeed In Unpopular Sport

22 October, 2015. 16:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A 21-year-old Australian has been kicked off a professional sporting tour, effective immediately, after not wanting to win. The man in question, tennis player Nick Kyrgios, faces a ban until January at the earliest for what the  described a “conduct contrary to the integrity of the game” - despite openly admitting he doesn't like tennis. Australians...

Michael Clarke lives up to his nickname after dogging teammates on 60 Minutes

17 October, 2016. 13:23 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact THE PUBLISHERS OF MICHAEL CLARKE'S biography have announced their pleasure at Pup's willingness to throw his teammates under the bus for a cheap headline, ahead of his book's release tomorrow. Appearing on the Nine Network's 60 Minutes programme last night, the 35-year-old retired cricketer explained exactly how he felt about some of...

First Grade Winger Debuts Trendy New Haircut Twenty Minutes Before Kick Off

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local winger, Lachlan Blunt (27), has arrived fashionably late to the pre-match warm up, ahead of today's trial match against Windorah. The rugby league pretty boy, who claims to alternate between the wing and fullback, was fully dressed in Italian designer clothing when he appeared on the sideline of the Dolphins training oval #1. "What're you...

FFA Announces Name Change From Caltex Socceroos To ‘Caltex Off-Shore Rigs’

11 October 2016. 15:25 LEO FUKINAKAKAS | Soccer | CONTACT The Australian footballing body (FFA) have conceded this week that ‘The Australian Off-Shore Rigs’ is far more appropriate given that 95% of national team’s first 11 ply their trade overseas. The change comes after much pressure from European and Asian football leagues after suggestions that the A-League was being given far too much credit...

“It All Makes Sense” Says Jaded Wallabies Fan After Dan Carter Fails French Drug Test

7 October 2016. 11:05 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A tired but very optimistic Wallabies fan is hoping the news that All Blacks legend Dan Carter has reportedly tested positive for steroids can be used as an excuse for the last twenty years of Wallabies losses. "I mean, It all makes sense now" says Angus Birmingham-Whitely (66) who was stoked to hear news...

Cricketer Unsure Which Country He’s Going To Flee To After Running Captain Out – Again

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact EVEN THOUGH THE SEASON HAS just begun to take shape, Frank Barton has run his captain out twice - both times in an unbelievable fashion. Since tragically throw 43-year-old Ellis McCrutchon under the bus this afternoon, Frank has been casually browsing a handful of travel websites, looking for a place to begin again. "Basically, I've thrown my...

Paul Gallen found to have same virus David Boon had after sinking 52 tins on Sydney-London flight

4 October, 2016. 15:34 ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact April 30, 1989. As his Qantas flight landed at Heathrow early in the morning, David Boon emerged from the business class section in a wheelchair - struck down by a mystery virus. He was quickly ushered away from his teammates and off the place, some of which also had the virus,...

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