18-Year-Old Madman Whips Out Hip Flask With Name Engraved On It At Local Gathering
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
You only turn 18 once and last night it was Debbie Granger's turn.
The local student didn't let the fact that it was a Monday night rain on her birthday parade, inviting her closest 30 friends over last night for a few coming-of-age drinks.
In that exclusive group was Willis Elrond Hazzard, a spritely young man...
Man With Too Much Time On His Hands Decides To Make His Own Pasta
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Peter Gormond is a man who thought he had everything - until he got a pasta maker.
Since that day last autumn, the 28-year-old panel beater turned his back on the traditional, dry pasta that the working class enjoys.
He's a fresh pasta boy now.
Somehow, Peter finds time to make pasta each time he eats it. Sometimes two or three...
Chicken Surprisingly Outperforms Beef At Local Charity Event
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
In an unprecedented twist to the evening, the chicken dish has actually received rave reviews.
At a local fundraiser for the Betoota Small Business Network's non-perishables for Africa drive, guests approached the set menu with justified sceptisism.
As the vegetarian meals made their way to the diet-requirement guests, a large majority of the 200-people plus patronage begin to barter.
"If I...
Polynesian Bouncer Shares Subtle Nod With Polynesian Pub Patron
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Two Islander men that have never met each other but might still know the same people have exchanged a unique and exclusive look, often shared by people of Polynesian decent when they recognise that they are both Polynesian.
The two men have made eye contact at the front door of one of Betoota's most popular night spots, The Duck'n'Weave....
REPORT: Partygoer ‘drinking whiskey out tha [sic] bottle’ definitely not think about tomorrow
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A report commissioned by Australia's peak scientific body has concluded that people who drink hard liquor straight from the bottle are 'definitely' not thinking about tomorrow.
Glenn Davidson, from the CSIRO, told our reporters that a number of problem binge drinkers were surveyed for the study and nearly all respondents replied that their mind was...
Entire Plane Avoiding Eye Contact During Awkward Standing Part After Seat Belt Light
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Despite the fact that they aren't going to be walking off the plane for at least ten minutes, every single passenger on the most recent Q683 flight into Betoota this afternoon are standing as if it is go time.
With the taller passengers now cramping their necks as they remain jammed underneath the baggage compartments, just about every soul...
Perennially-Late Local Lebanese Bloke Appropriately Nicknamed ‘Yalla’
NATASHA McCLYMONT | Local News | Contact
If you want Sam Mousawi to be somewhere on time, tell him to be there an hour before you will.
The 27-year-old South Betoota resident has a reputation for being late.
So much so that his friends often joke that his nickname should actually be 'Yalla' - an Arabic term used to hurry people up.
Recently, it seems that joke...
These Young Professionals At The Pub Are Talking About Cryptocurrencies
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A troubling new trend is sweeping the licensed premises around Betoota's Financial District according to many local publicans, who say that the young men who frequent them are only capable of talking about cryptocurrencies at the moment - and nothing else.
Dennis Coolidge has owned the Dolphin & Squid Hotel opposite the Betoota Stock Exchange for close to a...
Thoughtful Grey Nomads Put UHF Channel On Back Of Caravan So Truckies Can Easily Abuse Them
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
An elderly home-owning Betoota Ponds couple set out on the trip of a lifetime earlier this month with no set destination.
Norm and Beryl Funk sold their pool cleaning and stationery business and traded a life of stress and pay rates for a life spent on the road, chasing dreams.
But before setting out, the sexagenarians were...
Man With No Defining Personality Traits Wins A Few Laughs By Drinking Out Of Shoe
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A local bloke, who otherwise wouldn't be remembered as a party guest, has stolen the show at a local house party for a couple of minutes by doing a shoey out of his damp skater footwear.
Jase Hollingworth (31) isn't well known for his one-liners, taste in music, or general knowledge, but he is really good at frantically...