Local News

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT A report conducted by Betoota's University of Western Queensland has concluded that girls group chats are pretty quickly descending into a near schizophrenic whirlpool of poorly articulated emotional outbursts. Local researcher Anita Rollason tells our reporter that she’d first been alerted to this phenomena when she’d seen her niece taking a photo of herself crying and holding up the peace sign....

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT A galaxy of excitable men powering through champagne mimosas at a prominent coffee house in Betoota's trendy French Quarter have been identified by staff as either gay party boys, or a group of young English soccer hooligans. It can only be one of the two. The energy currently resonating from their table can only match that of a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local father of some teenage kids has decided to stir them up today. Rob Waters (48) did so this morning after coming to the snap conclusion that his daughter Cindy (16) and son Aaron (13) were old enough to hear about their parents indulging themselves last night. Enjoying a morning coffee with his moobs dangling around...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT Betoota's most promising skip hop prodigy, Lil Barbie, has today 'fucked up the game up' - in his own words. The 23-year-old former dux of Betoota's School Of Performing Arts, has attracted over 90,000 views on his newest YouTube banger "Technical Miracle". After dropping 6 or 7 short vertical video selfie freestyles over the last 12 months, Lil Barbie...

CLANCY OVERELL  | Editor | CONTACT LIFE WILL FIND A WAY: A utility vehicle that is not a Ford Ranger has been discovered in the Brisbane suburb of Belmont overnight, according to the CSIRO. The discovery, a early 2000s model of Holden ute, has been heralded as a positive sign of vehicle diversity in the heartland of upper-middle-income tradies "It's the last thing we expected,...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT The girls chat is going off tonight, courtesy of an off hand remark about a friend’s relationship, it’s reported. The four person group chat called ‘50 shades of slay’ had for the most part been a safe space for the girls to lament about their boy troubles, share various memes about mental breakdowns, and post screenshots...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local girl Vanessaa Bryan wasn’t prepared when she received a late night Snapchat from Ben the spunky builder. It’s revealed she’d been lying in bed watching Tik Tok videos when Ben had sent through what was obviously an attempt at starting an in depth conversation. “What u up to?” Posting a photo that appeared to be the corner...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT Local woman Jessica Schipper is what you’d call ‘genetically blessed.’ So much so, it appears that she too, is sick of her perfection. Or at least that can be the only logical reason why the blonde haired beauty feels the need to adopt a pixie cut all of a sudden. Voicing this thought over lunch one afternoon, Jessica...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Brent Williams has been struggling today. Bringing in the New Year with a party at a mate’s place that only finished a few hours ago around some outdoor furniture, Williams says he feels like he’s been hit by a bus. “My head feels like it’s been cleaved open by a blunt axe,” he sighed to our reporter while the pair waited...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE| CONTACT At 3 am on a Friday night, local teen Robbie Mills finds himself unable to sleep. The thirteen-year-old Betoota Heights local had just finished the entire original Spiderman trilogy when he found himself channel surfing for his next fix. It’s alleged that this search was partially fuelled by his discovery of Jackass last weekend, which had been playing early morning...