Local News

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A red p-plater has received a stern slap on the wrist this morning after being caught by police obeying the road rules. Corey Nicholls (17) a 1st-year chippy's apprentice was nabbed this morning at 8:45 am on Diamantina Link Road out the front of Betoota Heights High. The young man was reportedly chugging along at an extremely pedestrian...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Some Betoota Base Hospital medical students have revealed to The Advocate this week how they like to unwind after a big day in the ward - and it might shock you. Speaking to our reporter who was picking something up from the dodgy bloke in the group, the students spoke candidly about why they were jabbing shit into...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Greg White is breathing a sigh of relief this morning. This comes after it was revealed that the 69-year-old CEO was a winner in this year's budget. While plenty would expect the CEO of a tax-dodging multinational company to be a winner in any Coalition Government Budget, White said he was nervous that this Covid-19 pandemic might...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT Local man Ryan Wells is the type of bloke who secretly believes picking the skin around his fingernails makes him slightly better than those who chew their fingernails. He’s also the type of guy who tricks himself into believing he hasn’t eaten a whole packet of chips, by leaving a couple behind. That being said, Ryan...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT As the nation slowly starts to ease out the lockdown rules, local mum Natasha Clarke figures a dinner party is the best way to celebrate things getting back to normal again. Ever the enterprising host, Natasha has gone full slog tonight with the theme ‘Murder on the orient express’, which sees her and an assortment of middle-aged couples getting...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Prime Minister Scott Morrison has responded to the damning allegations from Royal Commission into the aged care sector in trademark style this morning. Following revelations that the Federal Government's actions were "insufficient" to ensure the aged care sector was prepared for the Covid-19, Scotty from Marketing has rolled out the big guns. "As a result of our...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A local tertiary-educated upper-middle-class inner-city terrace house resident has today given a bold and scathing review of yesterday's US Presidential Debate. Speaking to The Advocate from an Old City District Cafe where he likes to start off his day with a nice long black, Eck O'Chamber revealed that he was personally appalled by the state of that debate...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Local ute owner Henry Piddlesberg (37) has been stung with a $100 parking fine this week after a note he left on his dashboard explaining why he was voiding the parking rules failed to evoke the long-dead empathy of a local parking inspector. Still searching for his keys he lost last night on the piss, the man left...

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT CSIRO has today launched an official investigation into who decided wood chips were an appropriate surface for playgrounds, it’s reported. Leading CSIRO reporter Rufus O’Neil reveals he’d been alerted to the problem when he visited a local park with his daughter, Macey , who’d allegedly ‘stacked it’ after attempting to make her way across a set of monkey bars....

EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT After a solid three months of benders, local man Patrick Field has decided to officially swap his 5 HTP for some Vitamin B12 in an effort to restore his wrecked body to its primary functions. It’s alleged the twenty seven old had staged his own intervention when he’d woken up with a mysterious black eye one Sunday morning, and...