Headlines

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian youth and streetwear retailers have confirmed that they've seen a 900% increase in sales of late-2000's bright coloured v-neck t-shirts since the 2018 Splendour In The Grass Line Up was announced early this morning. A spokesperson from the popular fashion outlet General Pants says the company has had to make several runs to their storage warehouses, ever since...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A german national who has spent the last three months pulling beers for the feral drunks at the front bar of the Bedourah Hotel, has been pretty quiet about her plans to fuck off to Bondi the moment Peter Dutton lets her. It's not that Marlene Dietrich (23) has found herself in uncomfortable situations with the locals, it's not...

LEILA MCGUIGAN | Central QLD and Further North| CONTACT While the Commonwealth Games glitters on the Gold Coast many in the mainstream media would be mistaken for thinking the athlete's village will be the scene for the biggest orgy on the east coast in the next 12 month... little do they know 'Bonk Week' is about to commence on the Tropic...

“JAYDEN TYREECE SMITH, YOU GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!” Twelve-year-old Jay Smith’s blood ran cold. Not because his mum yelled so loud that her voice cracked, but because she used his full Christian name - which Jay new, meant he was in deep shit. Doing a quick stock take of anything and everything he could have done to upset his mum,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With Greek Easter taking place this weekend, the entire extended family of Eleni Ladopsomo have been told all they need to focus on doing is making sure every grandson brings a nice girl with them to the family lunch. Eleni (88) is currently halfway through cooking an oversized meal for her eight children and 30 grandchildren, plus a couple...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Awww. Right in the feels. Political rivals, but personal besties, Christopher Pyne and Anthony Albanese have today embarked on the trip of a lifetime. The Great Ocean Road. After decades of lapsed plans for a roadtrip, the Minister For Defence and the Shadow Minister For Transport finally got their shit together and took off in a 1966 Ford Thunderbird that they...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A unkept left mandibular third molar has today taken full control over a local human being, by causing more pain than any other physical ailment in recent history. The troubled piece of dental of anatomy is 20.5 mm with an crown length of 7.5 mm and a root length of 13 mm, rendering it far too small to have such...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After more than a year-long Baton Relay that no one was paying attention to, millions of tax-payer dollars spent on temporary infrastructure, and months of choreography - the festivities finally began last night at Carrara Stadium with the opening ceremony of the XXI Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast. The Aussie cultural landmarks showcased included Migaloo the whale, kombis,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT With the 2018 Commonwealth Games games opening ceremony taking place tonight, it appears literally the only people in Australia that are making their way to the Gold Coast are the busloads of Aboriginal protestors. As half-hearted athletes sit around doing stillnox in the 'Commonwealth Village' - it is not yet known which people, outside a few overexcited Gold Coast...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A local Betoota man who suffers from hereditary baldness and also happens to be over six foot, has today revealed that he’s pretty over the Peter Garret impersonations performed in front of him whilst trying to have a quiet bevvy at the pub. Anthony Klim, a FIFO electrician at North Queensland’s Blue Sky mine, has expressed his displeasure through a quiet word with his best mate Trent over the...