Headlines

LEROY PERCIVAL | Cadet | CONTACT Iconic Australian media personality Peter FitzSimons has briefly removed his trademark red bandana today, revealing a large tattoo paying homage to his favourite band, Slipknot. The ink, displayed along the right side of his skull, proudly declares Fitzy’s passion and love for the popular American nu-metal band. FitzSimons - an Australian journalist, author, television presenter, radio presenter, former rugby player,...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Special Envoy To Indigenous Affairs and Former Prime Minister, Uncle Tony, says he can finally understand what his brother Goodesy was going through back in 2015. As half-time entertainment in today's AFL Grand Final at the MCG, Uncle Tony X made the mistake of acknowledging his close ties to Indigenous culture by performing a traditional war dance. Since that moment,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT “How was everything?” Waitress Clair Courier asked one of the couples she’d been waiting on all night. “Oh it was delicious, thank you, please pass our compliments to the chef!” replied the woman. “Oh I will, and thank you for the kind words. I’m glad you enjoyed everything, I’ll definitely let the chef know” lied Clair through an insincere smile. This...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Last night at Betoota live music institution The Roo Shooter, the pre-show sound check ground to a halt as sound guy Vic “Vicco” Johnson (56) started boring the bands shitless with a 45-minute long story about Australian musician Nick Cave. While demonstrating to the closest person nearby that he understood what every one of the switches on the sound...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT The boon of some decent gossip in the form of a teen pregnancy has blessed a regional town suffering through the crippling burden of a gossip drought. Two hours south of Betoota CBD in the town of Mt Quilby, checkout workers, hairdressers and grey-haired women have been doing it tough as the 2018 winter had been the lowest harvest...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT As Melbourne and Sydney gear up to host the two biggest sporting events in the Australian calendar, respectively, the humble Northern River City of Brisbane has reminded it's residents that they have no reason to be jealous. That's because two of the military's EA-18G Growler jets have just torn through the middle of the city, in preparation for this...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT In an economy that hardly favours millennials, one local account manager from Betoota's French Quarter appears to be doing just fine. Despite blindly paying hyper-inflated rent each week in a generous two bedroom flat with an old school friend, as well as eating out for lunch every day, Lucy Kipson (23) also seems to be able to afford a...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Australian farmers are pleading for “calm and common sense” in the wake of disturbing new images that show a couple pins further contaminating the agribusiness sector. More than 100 reports of tampered fruit are being investigated by police across the country, many of which are thought to be fake or copycat cases because the Australan media is covering this...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Yewww" yelled Cameron Dunlop has he splashed a shot of Jägermeister into a glass of Red Bull. It's a mid-week work drinks and the relatively sociable logistics manager at a South Betoota wholesale beef import/export warehouse appears to be on one. No one knows why he is doing this, but they eventually have to follow suit - because he's probably spent...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Ding dong. The bitch is dead " said Thom Swanson (31, Surry Hills). The one-of-three social media managers for an ABC 2 comedy program that no one watches says he doesn't want to sound like a jerk, but man that Liberal party shill really had to go. "Like, I don't wanna sound sexist or anything. But man she was...