IN-Focus

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Popular entertainment identity Tim Minchin has vowed today to lead all lost West Australians home in time for Christmas this year after the hermit kingdom's de facto leader Mark McGowan appeared before him in a burning bush. Minchin, who is ethnically West Australian but "British" by birth, told this masthead that McGowan said that all...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Victorian Premier Dan Andrews has told journalists in Melbourne this morning that tonight, he's going to be drinking from the bottom shelf in his garage after the state surpassed a hundred new infections of the Sydney Sneeze yesterday. "This is another grim milestone for Victoria," he said. "Tonight, there will be no top-shelf Australian-made whiskey....

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Prime Minister Scott Morrison told the media this morning in Canberra that his heart breaks and it goes out to the people of Western NSW but there's nothing he can do for them because there's nothing in it for him. The Bloke-In-Chief spoke candidly to reporters and even removed his glasses for a second as...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Ten blokes using five cricket nets just over the border on Milparinka were forced to tell police this afternoon that they didn't know each other - despite them all wearing the same training shirt. The Milparinka Quandongs, who occasionally play in the division four Channel Country Cricket competition, told The Advocate today that they were...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact New South Wales Health Minister Brad Hazzard has told reporters in Sydney this morning that he has spoken to his team of advisors and the best health advice at the moment is to not get the virus because it will absolutely fuck your life and you might actually fucking die if you're old and...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact From our free and happy inland port city, a lack of breadmaking content from our friends and enemies in the filthy, diseased south of the continent suggests that they are over it and have accepted their impending death from the Sydney Sneeze. Those sentiments were echoed by a local man who lives in Sydney now...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The frog that appeared on the cover art for Silverchair's 1995 debut album 'Frogstomp' is taking the band to court over allegations he never agreed to be stomped during the shoot. Kevin Rocheedy, a 30-year-old green frog who is now unemployed and living in the cistern of a Cessnock public toilet, told the court through...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Democratic People's Republic Of Western Australia (DPRWA) have closed their Sydney consulate today as relations between the city-state and our nation's prosperous West continue to deteriorate. Relations are at an all-time low between Scott Morrison, Prime Minister of Sydney, and the DPRWA amid comments made by Morrison that likened the people of our continent's...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the Prime Minister's Bloke Advisors has told this masthead this morning that last night, he lay awake looking at the ceiling and wondered what his boss Scott Morrison hoped to achieve by labelling the citizens of Western Australia "cave people" by comparing them to characters in "some stupid kid's movie". "I used to...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota man who was thrown into hotel quarantine for declaring on his Queensland Border Pass that he'd been in the Cameron Corner Business District the week before said he's getting his $3300 worth, that's for sure. "It's ridiculous," explained Gideon Clarke, a French Quarter capital debt market advisor. He spoke to The Advocate via Zoom...