Jack Heffernan (26) has been spotted flaunting his impressive collection of keys hanging from a carabiner, acting as if he’s responsible for managing a primary school’s janitorial duties.

Jack, whose jingling keychain is reminiscent of some sort of medieval jailer, has really gotten into the trend of wearing his keys off his pants, although he swears it’s just because he always loses his keys if he doesn’t.

“I’m so forgetful I literally need to do this so I don’t lose them.”

Witnesses report that he strolls through the city streets with a carabiner holding over 8 keys, despite only using one for his house and the other for his locker at work.

“Fuck, he’s turning it on a bit,” laughed one of his mates.

“The only mop he’s ever laid hands on is the one on his head.”

“He’s got no right acting like he’s got a whole primary school to clean before he can get home to his kids.”

More to come.


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