A fearless troop of bloodthirsty mercenaries have been sighted in downtown Betoota this morning as the local council crack down on people just trying to get to work.

At 8:42am this morning, peak time across the struggling Betoota transport network, a team of eight SAS soldiers from Wish boarded the No. 57 tram transporting commuters from Betoota Ponds into the CBD.

Dressed in heavy cargo pants, military grade vests and pairs of black steel capped boots with soles thick like a Finnish thrash metal band, the battalion of soldiers swept through the crawling tram in the hope of catching a uni student who didn’t tap, or an unsuspecting tourist who has no idea how to work a top-up kiosk

“Card inspection!” the inspectors demanded to any foreign-looking passengers, or cocky corporates who looked like they might be above tapping their transport card.

“Need the one that you used to tap on…” they continued to goad to anyone who spent more than two seconds fumbling through their wallet.

With 50% of buildings in the Betoota CBD still empty and the weekend nightlife devoid of a pulse, locals are reportedly left wondering why the Diamantina government don’t ease off aggressive public transport ticket checking, and maybe upskill these inspectors to use their time more effectively by fixing some local roads, or clean up the rubbish soiled waterways.

“They’re all bark, no bite,” local desk jockey Dave Lenovo told The Advocate.

“You watch, they’re clearly on a quota to nail one South American per shift, and at least three foreign students who are living on two minute noodles.”

“Course any of the British tourists will be safe, they’ll probably help them out with some directions.”

More to come.


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