ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A young fellow who happens to be noticeably shorter than many of his peers is also a very fast walker and often makes a point of walking much faster than his taller brethren.

Sam Davies rolls his eyes frequently at Google Maps when they suggest walking could take up to 45 minutes.

“It’d be half an hour. Tops,” he told our reporter.

“There’s nothing worse than walking with someone who dawdles, thumbing away on their phone, headphones on, in their own world. What’s the point in walking if you’re going to waste time walking slowly?”

One of Sam’s colleagues, he says, is over two meters tall and meanders like an inland river when he walks. On top of that, the tall guy allegedly bowls spin and doesn’t even play basketball.

“He’s spitting in God’s face, bowling spin like that,” Sam explained.

“Those long arms and legs, powerful torso. It’s just sad, really. But he’s got to be the slowest walker there is, too. There’s just no sense of urgency when he’s going anywhere. He just goes. Clip clop clip clop. Like a stoned Clydesdale.”

Paul, who is tall, has worked with Sam for six months and just laughed when our reporter relayed the suggestion that he’s offended God by choosing to bowl offies that don’t turn instead of blistering pace.

“My dad says the same thing,” he said.

“Sammy is a good bloke, he doesn’t just have a foot Falcon, he has a fucking XR6 turbo in those jeans [laughs]. Nah, but I can stretch out and run him down in 5 steps if I wanted to, but what’s the point?”

“He makes way more than me and people like him better.”

More to come.


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