EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle | Contact

The spicy cough appears to have finally infiltrated the golden gates of Windsor Castle, with news that the queen has tested positive and is experiencing mild symptoms.

Despite dodging the virus while England was in the peak of its pandemic, it’s been alleged that the monarch caught it during a catchup with her son Charles, as he too, tested positive just days prior.

However, according to an inside source who happened to be getting some money out to buy a banh mi from next to a cash only Vietnamese bakery, the queen was spotted making a withdrawal from Barclays roughly 3pm Friday afternoon – and considering she was surrounded by four armed guards, it must have been a sizable amount.

Though our source couldn’t give an exact figure, he reckons it was easily in the millions, which comes as a strange coincidence seeing Prince Andrew had agreed on a settlement for 12 million pounds earlier that day.

This taxpayer funded hush money puts yet another black mark against the royal family’s name, who have a long history of denying women’s suffering in favour of ‘keeping face.’

With the monarch only recently celebrating 70 years of service to the people, it seems fitting that a cause for celebration should be overshadowed by controversy.

It’s now been reported that the queen may have contracted the commoner’s sniffle while exposed to the elements in the ATM line, but hopefully her small sacrifice protecting an alleged predator won’t be to her ultimate detriment.

More to come.


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