ALISON SCHENK | Entertainment | Contact

A recent study by French Quarter local and proud bandwagon jumper Aleyah Brown has shown that despite the word ‘offside’ being said an infinite amount of times during a football game by both her boyfriend and society at large, no one is actually able to succinctly explain what it *means*.

After losing several minutes of game viewing time listening to her beloved muddle his way through an explanation that ultimately ended with a frustrated ‘I’d need to draw a diagram to properly show it’, Aleyah declined the impending powerpoint presentation and instead jumped on her phone to google ‘what does offside mean’. 

What resulted from this search was just more incoherent babbling, using phrases like ‘attacking half’ and ‘second last opponent’, with one article promising a ‘simple explanation’ followed by a diagram of scribbles reminiscent of Will Hunting drawing on a mirror. 

“I reckon people just like saying it. And I get that, I often use the word ‘albeit’ when I don’t actually know what it means. But I wish they’d just admit it, you know?”

Ms Brown has stated that she will ask her coworkers for any further insight when she arrives in the office later today, but she is not optimistic. 

More to come. 


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