WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

The Australian Labor Party has today engaged the services of one of the country’s most revered forensic cleaners.

After what can only be described as one of the most horrendous bedshits in living memory, heavyweights within the party have decided to hire some forensics to try and clean up the appalling mess.

In what looks like an example of what would happen if someone who had just had an Indian Banquet and 11 Crownies got a bout of gastro during their sleep, the party is desperately trying to figure out how they shit the bed so badly.

With the stench from the faeces indicating it may have something to do with a leader who has been unpopular for years, it now looks like the cleaners and the party will have some time to clean up the disgusting mess and reassess where they are at with a long spell on the sidelines ahead.

Speaking to the Advocate briefly from inside their HAZMAT suit outside the Labor party headquarters, one of the cleaners explained they hadn’t seen a mess this bad since the Engadine Maccas Incident in 1997.

“Yeah, I was on the scene for the Michael Daley incident earlier this year, and that was nothing compared to this,” he said.

“Fuck, obviously all the ignoring of the leader’s unpopularity is part of the mess, and then there’s a failure to explain their policies, as well as the Murdoch empire’s power and the Australian voters desire to ensure they benefit as much as financially possible, or are in the position to benefit as much as financially possible from the Liberal’s policies if they ever progress from the working class to the middle class and upper class.”

“Anyway, we’ve got a lot of work to do, so I best be off,” said the cleaner trudging off into the disgusting scene.


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