Australia’s King and Queen of soft-core porn radio are bracing themselves for a difficult week, struggling to work out the best way to report on the current geopolitical crisis unfolding in Ukraine. 

After making it through this morning’s news reports, which included several hyper-sexualised jokes about how much people on the Gold Coast love “wetness”, it’s believed Kyle and Jackie O faced difficulty segueing from stories about the Queensland floods into an update concerning the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

Sitting upon his radio throne at the KISSFM studio, it’s understood Kyle sheepishly shrugged at Jackie O this morning before ducking out to the bathroom, essentially handballing her the intensely difficult news report covering the horrifying events unfolding in Eastern Europe.

After briefly reporting on two major points that included Russia’s continued invasion of the country and the repeated calls for world peace from other global leaders, it’s reported Jackie O managed to whip up a last-minute hail mary to effortlessly swerve into the next segment of Daily Mail approved gossip news.

“Uhhh yes… and the Ukraine’s not the only one that’s been taken by surprise this week, of course up next we’ll be talking to Ella and Mitch from Married at First Sight!”

“We’ll be discussing all the highs and lows of their new relationship, as we all reel from the news that hunky Mitch doesn’t want to move to Melbourne from the Gold Coast after the experiment is over.”


A long time radio professional, an ever-helpful Kyle managed to add in “Oh, they like it wet down there too!”, to support his on air-colleague make the seamless switch from global political news into a recap of Australia’s latest MAFs scandal.

Speaking to one producer from ‘Australia’s biggest radio show’, it’s understood KISSFM have hired a team of 15 internationally acclaimed Hollywood scriptwriters, to devise more life-saving quips to help them get through the week.

More to come.


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