In some breaking news from Betoota’s French Quarter this morning, a local girlfriend isn’t seeing the funny side of things anymore. 

Speaking to our reporter out the front of the Rue De Pochè cafe, Bethany Alderson confirmed that she’s had enough of laughing at her new boyfriend’s inadequacies. 

“The fact he can’t wipe a bench properly was cute at first. The TikTok video length of his sexual performance was flattering in the beginning, but it’s time for him to grow up,” explained Alderson today. 

“I actually used to think his itchy trigger finger was flattering,” she said, referencing what is likely a medical condition her boyfriend should probably get looked at. 

“You know, like he thought I was so attractive that he couldn’t keep it going for too long.” 

“And the first few times we hooked up we were both pretty cooked, so it dragged out the process.” 

“But it’s now just frustrating.” 

The local woman then explained that she’s not sure what’s quicker, his ability to nut, or fall asleep straight after. 

“I need to channel my inner Samantha Jones and just tell him to get it sorted.” 

“I’ve seen all those Mosh ads for this shit, it’s time for him to get on the internet and sort it out.” 

“His fragile ego doesn’t even need to go in and see the GP anymore.” 

“Get online, and get going Bradley, otherwise I will be,” she confided in our reporter, before walking off with her takeaway coffees. 

More to cum…


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