ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

US President Joe Biden has hosed down concerns that Australians are getting a raw deal with the submarines, telling media in the US that the first three ‘second-hand’ boats that our Navy are getting will hold their value like a 300-series LandCruiser.

The President said on Tuesday that the first three submarines to be purchased by Australia would not be the latest models.

That sparked concerns from the Federal Government that perhaps the $300bn earmarked for the new “high-tech” submarines was possibly not the best way to spend the money.

Speaking to The Advocate this morning, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese explained that while the ‘new’ boats would actually be ‘second-hand’, they will be second-hand like a LandCruiser.

“Everybody knows that a Toyota LandCruiser isn’t even run in until it gets a 100 000 clicks on the dial,” he said.

“You can buy a brand new LandCruiser, actually, you can’t at the moment. But if you can, you can drive it for five years and it’d still be worth nearly what you paid for it. That’s essentially what these submarines are. In saying that, I can understand why Chinese spies like Paul Keating are concerned. It is a lot of money and yes, they are used boats but they’ll still essentially be new,”

“New like a 2022 Toyota LandCruiser, which is pretty much new. This fear people are whipping up, it will be nothing compared to the fear of living under Chinese rule. There is a certain irony, however, because we are using these submarines to protect Australia, even though so many landlords in Australia are actually in China. Bit of a noodle scratcher, that is.”

The new Virigina-class submarines could cost upwards of $9bn Australian pesos per boat, which has lead to some calling on the government to perhaps buy less of them.

“How can they justify the spend now? When there’s middle-class people in this country having the rug pulled out from under them by the banks?” asked whinging local homeowner.

“Maybe we need regime change in this country? I reckon Xi would whip us into shape.”

More to come.


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